For this journal and per request of Lauren, I took off my “Rice brain.” Therefore, there shouldn’t be any struggles for beautiful articulation and eloquence. No woe over the rawness that emotions can be, but the appreciation for the truth as it is and as it is expressed.

Lauren walked us through four different styles of identifying and describing our goals. The first was a scenario to spark inspiration and honesty. I will begin with it as well because I hope it will help set the tone and begin to reveal my truth.

“You reencounter and reconnect with an old, good friend that you’ve lost touch with. You both are now having a face-to-face conversation for the first time in a long while. Y’all have skipped the pleasantries, zoomed past the superficial, and y’all are down to the deeper “stuff.” Your friend asks you: “What are your dreams and aspirations? Where are you now? Where are you going?”

I would reply: I don’t feel like I’m actually doing anything, which wearies me a little inside. What have I really done for a community or the world? I’m not doing anything novel. I used to live in the innovative and unconventional. What happened? It’s now all about academics and telling myself the novelty will come after my formation, but I don’t believe that. I believe I’m living my life now. I used to dream so big. Now I just dream because I’m tired. Sometimes I don’t even dream; it’s just black. And then I wake up.

I believe a lot of my frustration stems from my yearning for knowledge and the insatiable craving of curiosity. I love learning from people and experiences. Books are not people, but they are written by people, people with knowledge and experiences. My goal in preparation for my internship is to read the four recommended books that fsd international listed on their predeparture guide.

To make the goal SMART, one of the other styles Lauren shared with us, I will make it specific:
Who: Me!
What: Read the four recommended readings: El Güegüense, by Anonymous; Margarita, How Beautiful the Sea, by Sergio Ramirez; The Jaguar Smile: A Nicaraguan Journey, by Salman Rushdie; The Country Under My Skin: A Memoir of Love and War, by Giaconda Belli
Where: In Fondren, outside, and/or my room
When: In between my study breaks and on the weekends
Why: I believe my scope is too narrow. I want to learn more and create a wealth of information as a foundation and in preparation for my internship and future conversations.
How: Checking out books at Fondren & the Houston Public Library.

It will be measurable: I will read 1 book every other week. It’s attainable and relevant to my present and future. The goal is also time-bound: I can and will accomplish it before my internship start date.